Secret Weapon

Greetings again! Just thought I’d share with you some inspiring images while I cook up my next actual blog post. Oh, it’s about 80% done.

I started reading the Scott Pilgrim comics, out of curiosity (and sheer geekyness), a couple days ago. I think they’re pretty neat but that’s not what this post is about, it’s about this one particular frame in page 113 of volume 1, where they discuss the newest member of a rival band. They refer to her as their “secret weapon” and guess what her super power is?

Yeah. So I ask you, my fellow readers – my fellow ADD-enabled superheroes – are you your own secret weapon? Watch this video before you answer!

Above the law

I wonder if apologizing for the long periods between posts will become the norm in this blog… Anyways, I’ve had a lot of crazy stuff going on but I have never forgotten about my vision. I have been writing this draft for a while, doing research and brainstorming, and now I realize this is the most ambitious post yet. In case you have not read my introductory post yet (it really helps this whole thing make sense), I must warn you I am not a licensed psychiatrist, lawyer… not even a licensed driver! All I am is a man that has lived 30 years with ADD, and doesn’t want anyone else to go through all the suffering he has.

One of my biggest frustrations is directly related to labor or the lack thereof. An adult with ADD/ADHD will have a harder time keeping a job than the average Joseph. It’s a fact. Some even measure the graveness of your condition based on how many jobs you’ve had! The truth is that in the corporate world, all those things that make us awesome are frowned upon.

Being a person that is used to constant job applications I have managed to keep a very precise log of my work history. Here are my statistics: In 13 years I have had 12 jobs (not counting my military training because I was still employed elsewhere) lasting an average of 342 days each. The time between jobs is a total of 648 days, 13.62% of those 13 years. 50% I quit and 50% I was kicked out. Out of those I quit there is only one I don’t regret. I never worked for more than about 160% of the minimum wage at the time. Now, before you start thinking “oh, that’s awful”, let me tell you; I thought it was going to be worse when I started doing the math!

So what I’ve been doing is researching what rights we have when it comes to labor. Turns out the Americans with Disabilities Act does cover ADD, but it’s very tricky about it. Basically it forbids employers from discriminating against employees based on disabilities that do not directly disqualify them from performing their duties and forces them to provide reasonable accommodations to disabled employees.

The problem is that – as I have mentioned before – ADD is almost impossible to diagnose in a tangible, objective manner and that the symptoms are basically a list of things your average supervisor hates in a subordinate. These two factors together are bad news. If you mention you have ADD at work, and you have been doing great so far, your boss may become very suspicious and start keeping tabs on you. If you have not been doing great your boss will think you’re trying to pull the AwDA card to save yourself from imminent unemployment and will immediately begin scheming your dismissal by any other means that would appear entirely legit. Employers will discredit any evidence of your condition if you file a complaint. I’ve even read of cases in which they have used the fact that an employee has been able to meticulously gather and organize all the evidence necessary for their case against them! Oh the irony is spine-tingling! Perfect material for a Lifetime movie!

“Well, looks like you’ve had no trouble keeping all these logs and reading all these laws and so and so and so” – says the judge while flipping through a thick binder – “how come you are not able to show up to work on time?”

The defendant, who was an avid Project Hyperfocus reader, was not surprised at all – “That’s nothing, your honor!” – She yelled – “I was also able to smuggle this into the courtroom piece by piece and assemble it while you were all distracted!”

There were no survivors.

Of course we all know violence is not the solution. But what is, then? Ha! I’m glad you asked! See, I have a plan! While the current laws can be worked on, the truth is that you can’t work on a solution until you understand the problem! Besides, while these laws are excellent at helping disabled people, who says we’re disabled? I prefer the term “misplaced”.

The real solution begins with early diagnosis. Teachers should be educated in detecting the symptoms in children in order to refer to a licensed psychiatrist for diagnosis. Upon diagnosis the next step would be education. ADD kids learn differently, they should not be made to sit in an ordinary classroom but they should not be treated as fidgety, lazy or “special” either; they should be treated like what they are, gifted kids, and they should be trained on how to channel this gift to become successful adults.

Children should be taught strict organizing and planning and skills from an early age so these good habits make life easier for them in the long run. There should be a special focus on physical education based on the findings that nutrition and exercise are directly linked to improvement in ADD symptoms.

Finally when students are ready to graduate they should be offered realistic job/college counseling. I remember my high school counselor would ell anyone with good grades they should be engineers. It’s an excellent career… but is it the right one? This world does not need any more unemployed engineers. The students must consider their talents, abilities and interests (when you have ADD, boredom is torture).

For higher education, universities need to start rethinking what they’re doing. I’ve never heard of “special ed” in college, why? In my opinion, college is no place for someone with ADD/ADHD. Not because we can’t handle it, (though it can be pretty hard) but because colleges are designed to break your soul and turn you into yet another corporate automaton or a college teacher. That does not bode well with a hyper focused mind.

After all these measures are taken, it should be easier for employers to realize the potential of an ADD prospect. Employees should be able to bargain for accommodations beyond just plain “reasonable” in exchange for extraordinary creative thinking and problem solving.

That, my friends is my dream. Will you share my dream with me? The only way I can think of making this happen is spreading the word, creating awareness and hoping more and more influencing people get involved. We also need your ideas, so be sure to post your comments.

Thanks for reading!

Ken Robinson says schools kill creativity

Hello. It's been a while, I know. Just dropping by to share this amazing bit of information with you. A speech (a TED Talk, if you will) by Sir Ken Robinson, author/educator. I listened to this one a few weeks back on it's podcast form and I had a hard time keeping my jaw up. Not only is the speech entertaining, but his critique on the current education system, in my humble opinion, is dead-on. He also shares a fascinating anecdote about a child with ADHD.

The embedded link will take you to his profile in TED (where you will find a link to the video). Here's a an excerpt:

Why don't we get the best out of people? Sir Ken Robinson argues that it's because we've been educated to become good workers, rather than creative thinkers. Students with restless minds and bodies -- far from being cultivated for their energy and curiosity -- are ignored or even stigmatized, with terrible consequences. "We are educating people out of their creativity," Robinson says. It's a message with deep resonance. Robinson's TEDTalk has been distributed widely around the Web since its release in June 2006. The most popular words framing blog posts on his talk? "Everyone should watch this."

A visionary cultural leader, Sir Ken led the British government's 1998 advisory committee on creative and cultural education, a massive inquiry into the significance of creativity in the educational system and the economy, and was knighted in 2003 for his achievements. His latest book, The Element: How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything, a deep look at human creativity and education, was published in January 2009.

Depression and ADD/ADHD

I’ve recently stumbled upon this fascinating New York Times magazine article entitled Depression's Upside and though I should share it with our readers. This article is relevant to the ADD/ADHD crowd for many reasons: First, untreated ADD/ADHD is known to eventually cause depression. Second, this article covers studies on the ventrolateral prefrontal cortex (VLPFC), the part of the brain that determines what we pay attention to (an imbalance in the VLPFC is believed to cause ADD/ADHD). And third, the article mentions how depressed patients benefit from a state of hyper-focus. Neat, huh?

In essence it suggests that depression is an actual measure taken by the human brain to deal with difficult situations that require deeper thought and analysis. When presented with a challenge that at first appears to have no solution, the VLPFC shuts down pretty much everything else, priority-wise. Suddenly you don’t want to eat, you don’t want to have sex… you just think about this thing that’s bugging you.

I suggest you read the whole thing before continuing, as the rest of this article will cover the subject from my personal point of view, and since I am not a certified physician, after all, you might want to get the facts first.

Depression can be so easily compared to a fever, it’s funny. First, a fever is a symptom, not a disease, as is the case of depression. What happens during a fever is that the body turns up the heat in hopes of killing a virus or bacteria. This temperature may go to dangerous points, and this is a risk the immune system takes: to kill a few neurons and preserve the rest of the body VS, well, death. Depression is also a series of risks the brain takes: malnutrition vs having a life-threatening issue not resolved. Modern-day life can trick the brain into interpreting mundane situations as life-threatening (i.e. unemployment, failed relationships, bad grades).

Another similarity is the fact that even today there is a lot of controversy about the usefulness of these mechanisms. Many doctors will monitor, but not treat a fever in order to allow the body to heal itself, whereas some psychiatrists believe a patient of depression should be monitored, but not medicated to allow the mind to solve the conflict that troubles the patient. I happen to share this point of view.

A fever can be confused with other conditions that are actually dangerous, in which there isn’t really a threat to the body, or the immune system overreacts. Similarly there are cases in which depression is caused by other factors, and will result on being entirely destructive. In these cases medication should definitely be employed.

There are cases in which incorrect medication will worsen these symptoms or interrupt the natural healing process. I believe a depressed person should be helped to discover the true reason behind these ruminations, and guided through the process of avoiding distractions, loops and placebos. Placebos can include drinking, gambling or suicide. Basically an “easy way out”.

My personal experience during my recent depression was that I had one of the best Ideas I ever had, and in fact it was about what was troubling me. If you read the previous introductory post entirely you may remember I fell into a depression after being diagnosed with ADD by a shady psychiatrist. My second visit to the psychiatrist was about my depression, in stead of my ADD, actually.

During this period I started investigating different methods of organizing and planning. I discovered none of these methods were entirely compatible with my way of thinking, so I created my own. The whole process was nearly obsessive. I would jot notes at work and at home, and stay up late making diagram. I was on to something! I made a simple computer application for it and it was very helpful. It helped me organize my thoughts, therefore solving the conflict that had originally triggered my depression… After I was done with the application, I was no longer working on it as obsessively as I was. If it was 100% complete I’d share it with you, but it’s not (stay tuned!).

I have not taken my medication for about a month. I feel a lot better now. I really hope you make the most out of this article. Feel free to leave your comments!

Introduction

During the last 5 years or so I have learned a lot about myself. I learned things that I wish I had known when I was younger, that I wish my parents had known when I was a child.

One of the signs that something was wrong was that at times people would talk to me but I would not notice. Back then my excuse was “oh, I thought you were talking to someone else” and that’s what I believed too. In some cases I would not “notice” even if the person were in front of me. This one’s a bit harder to explain, but it’s like their voices were muted. Other than that I didn’t really think anything was wrong with me. I had even passed the rigorous medical exams required to enlist in the army. I was definitely healthy on that aspect.

At one point I did some googling - thinking I could be seriously insane. And all signs pointed to Attention Deficit Disorder. The more I read the more sense it made. So I arranged an appointment with a doctor some family members and friends recommended. The results were, to be sincere, disappointing. The “diagnosis” was based on a silly quiz not unlike those you take on Facebook. I was expecting to have my brain thoroughly scanned and stuff. Instead, the whole conversation revolved about how I was doing in school. At the time I was in school, and I wasn’t doing that good. Then he went on about this theory that he had about how ADD worked. The way he saw it, it’s an illness that affects your field of vision. Yes, according to my brain doctor, my eyes are borked, this based on a quiz about how distracted or clumsy I am. It’s really hard to project sarcasm in writing, so I’ll be direct: I thought he was full of shit. I still do. He also refused to discuss the possibility of me being depressed, probably thinking I was trying to get some of the good stuff… you know, happy pills.

He gave me a prescription but the side effects were so horrible I will not discuss them here. On my next appointment he gave me something else. On my third appointment we discussed how the medication was working. I told him how I was mostly disappointed and felt exactly the same. Not as aware as, say, a normal human being. He went on about how to manage at school, though. Ok, so I was not doing well in school, but I wanted to know why was it that I was always late for work and other weird stuff my brain did, or seemed unable to. He went back to the field of vision thesis and even drew some diagrams.

I left and never went back. I never finished that jar of pills. I kept on googling.

This was a couple years ago, a few months back I decided to seek professional help again. This time because I knew I was definitely depressed. I mean, people don’t normally burst into tears over a spilled soda, right? So I picked a random psychiatrist (I spelled it right the first time!) from the list of providers, called in sick and went. I was glad because I filled a quiz in the waiting room about my current mood that would probably save me the trouble of explaining how I was depressed. Just gimme some happy pills and I’ll call you in the morning! All right, I like this approach!

Boy was I in for a big surprise! Did I mention I was like 2 hours late? Well when she let me in she asked (nicely) what happened. Well, I explained exactly what happened and she said (we were still in the hallway on the way to the office) “Should I give you a drive-trough diagnosis?” Whuh? Wait a minute... is that empathy I perceive?

Our conversation felt like we were actually going somewhere. Then she did the unthinkable. She pulled out a book with pictures of brain scans! BRIGHT, GLORIOUS, COLORFUL BRAIN SCANS (which I never thought of googling)! Yes! I could see the brain on the right was not working the same as the one on the left! “You see?” I told myself “I’m not making this up!”

I wanted to get up, grab the book, and rub it (more like grind it) against the faces of my mom, my wife, my boss, my friends… I just wanted to beat people up with that book. I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke. I felt like destroying something beautiful.

I didn’t though, but I probably should. At least show them the pictures.

The most fascinating part was when at the end she pulled out the sheet with the quiz from my file and said “Yeah, you’re very depressed.” My depression had become a secondary subject!

For the moment I’m being treated for depression, and I gotta admit I feel a lot better, though at times I worry I may be in a false state of happiness and ignoring the ugly truth, though my medication should also help with motivation. Hmm… maybe that’s how I got around to writing this?

Anyways, back on subject: What I have read and observed, backed by a clinical diagnosis, have changed the way I see everything. Now I know why I’m always running late, why my average job lasts about a year and why my mom used to yell at me for being so lazy. I know why I’m always losing things, why I’ll place things where they eventually fall and break, why I get so irritable at times. I see now why I seldom finish what I start, and why I’m such a bad self-critic. It’s clear now why I don’t have any close friends, why my phone never rings. I learned that I am perceived by most as foolish, crazy, lazy and generally evil. I also learned there is no cure.

In my own world I’m pretty happy. ADD gives me the gift of resilience. Tough times come and I make it through. I do what I feel like and “block out” what doesn’t matter to me. But when there’s other people involved, that’s when I’m screwed: I don’t listen. I’m messy. I’m clumsy. I blurt out things without thinking. I forget things. I don’t do what I’m expected to do. I don’t play along. I don’t get the joke. I’m a jerk.

It’s at times like this that I wish I had been born with a “real” condition. Something that was evident at plain sight. Something people would not hold me responsible for, something people could understand. I mean no disrespect if you suffer from a very serious illness or disability, but I can guarantee I’ve at one point or another felt 10 times as miserable. The reasoning behind this is that any other illness evokes empathy, whereas mine evokes apathy.

Nobody likes a guy that doesn’t pay attention, unless he’s deaf, in that case they’ll learn sign language, because it’s not his fault he can’t listen. Nobody wants a friend that doesn’t call on their birthday, unless they were at the hospital or something, in that case they’ll go and visit, because it’s not his fault. No parent would be proud of a college dropout that can’t keep a job for more than a year, unless he were retarded, in that case they’d take care of him until they die of old age, because it’s not his fault. I could go on forever.

And that exactly is the reason I’m writing this. This needs to stop. Not for me, but for every other ADD/ADHDer out there. People got to stop calling us stupid because odds are we’re smarter. They got to stop calling us lazy because we work real hard… we just don’t like wasting time in chores that are pointless, and if anyone listened they’d understand WHY it’s pointless and how much time and energy is being wasted. This needs to stop NOW. When I was a child, there was no such thing as ADD… if you showed symptoms it meant your mom had to hit you harder and more often. Breakthroughs have been made, but we’re not even halfway there.

My goal is for employers to grasp this concept, and instead of firing employees for being 5 minutes late (like it really makes a difference, geez!) they start letting them stay 5 minutes late to make up for it and let them do the splendid work they can do once they don’t have to worry about pointless stuff such as being 5 minutes late. My goal is for teachers to recognize this gift at an early point in a student’s life and help the child exploit it, rather than send them to the director’s office for not paying attention. My dream is for people to stop thinking about ADD/ADHD as a disability but as a gift. My goal is for parents to realize their child is not a curse, but a blessing, and to realize the damage they can do their self-esteem if they don’t. My dream is for this condition to be further researched, because up to this moment the so called subject-matter experts have no clue what it’s all about.

In order to achieve this we need to stick together. We need to create awareness. We need to start working. This is my grain of salt. I will continue writing and sharing my experiences, and that of my children who have been diagnosed. I will continue to share my ideas on what can be done. I will try to spread the word. But I need your help. Post your comments, join our community, and stay tuned for more. This is gonna be huge! It has to be.